Liberals Take Chatter Out of Baseball

What is happening to my world? No Santa in stores. Easter Egg hunts are now called scramble egg hunts. The 10 Commandments are being erased from society. Every kid gets the same grades in school. And now this. No Chatter in baseball.

An ugly incident led to the banning of chatter in Cincinnati. Kids can no longer say batter, batter, batter swing batter, batter, batter in Cincinnati. Don't you dare say, rally, rally the pitcher's name is Sally in the Queen City. For God's sake, don't call a batter a broken ladder. You can't say, hey shortstop I have seen quicker hands on a clock or you throw like Mayor Mark Mallory. (See video)



Don't yell to the catcher, you couldn't catch the bird flu in a Cambodian chicken coop. We don't want little Johnny to take his ball and bat and go home crying.

Don't get me wrong, I am not for mean spirited unsportsmanlike talk. But chatter is a part of baseball. It is a part of life. You can not protect kids from the ugliness of life. Kids need to develop a thick skin. The world is tough. Rules to artificially protect a kids self esteem drive me nuts because the kids only have a high self esteem in a fantasy world. Learning to cope in both good and bad situations is what growing up is all about.

Conservative Kids learn what not to do from bad situations if their parents help them understand the situations they encounter.

An Incontinent Truth

Chinese Researchers look to use fiber rich panda poop to make paper. (Panda poop paper) The Thai make paper out of elephant dung.



It turns out that Al Gore's An Inconvienient Truth was printed on Bull Shit paper.

Conservative kids do not believe everything they read.

Three Pigs and a Puppy Die

In Britain, a school decided to change the 150-year-old Three Little Pigs story to something less offensive to Muslims. (Story) The Koran states that Muslims cannot eat or touch pigs. In their infinite wisdom the school district replaced the three pigs with three puppies. Here was their first attempt.

Once upon a time, there were three little puppies living with their mum (this is Britain). They decided to leave their mum to make it in the big world. The youngest was full of hate toward Jews, Christians Hindus, Buddhists, atheists, Americans, capitalists, pigs and other Muslims that did not share his radical puppy beliefs.

This young puppy did not have much optimism, self-esteem or drive so he built a modest medieval doghouse made of mud and straw. His brothers opted for more substantial housing further from home in mountain caves in the tribal territories of Pakistan.

One day a big bad wolf came to the mud and straw house of the youngest puppy and knocked on the door. "Let me in," the wolf yelled, “or I will huff and puff and I will blow your house down.” The radical puppy opened the door and said praise Allah and blew up himself and the wolf. The End.

There is a war going on against our culture. The enemies are radical Islam, the ACLU, secular progressives and good people who are paralyzed by political correctness.

Victims in the war include Christmas, George Washington and Abe Lincoln, the Ten Commandments, and now the three pigs. Rest in peace.

We need to fight this to preserve our great nation for our Conservative Kids.

Actually, to be fair, Islamic leaders in the British community condemned the politically correct move to change pigs to puppies as misguided and said decisions like this were turning Muslims into 'misfits' in society.

I hate to tell you Mr. British spineless Islamic leader - The radical faction of your religion is turning Muslims into misfits. Denounce radical Islam, not scared Christians who think that they need to appease the aggressor by changing our culture.

Conservative Kids Don't Need Dr. AimLow Ablow

In Texas kids are paid $100 for each AP exam passed.

A non-profit called Advanced Placement Strategies established the program. It was featured on the Today Show this morning. Two executives affiliated with Advanced Placement Strategies provided irrefutable data that clearly illustrated the power of the corporately funded project.

From 1991 to 1995 about 300 AP exams were taken in 10 DISD Schools in Math, Science and English about 150 passed.

In 2006, 3,965 tests were taken and 1,300 passed.

Wait for it.

Wait.

Yep I heard it. This program discriminates against African Americans and Hispanics.

Not true Jessee.

From 1991 to 1995 about 25 AP tests were passed by minorities in the test schools.

In 2006, 532 AP tests were passed by African Americans and Hispanics. WOW.

US Public Schools have about 25 minority kids pass an AP test per 1,000. In the Texas test program that number is 3X.

The scores in Math and Science for all students went from an average of 70 in the early 90's to 877 in 2006. The program is working.

There are more results on the website.

Are the tests easier? No. Are the teachers better? Yes.

Teachers are given extra training and cash incentives too. Add in professional management (not government oversight), measurement and accountability and you have a successful program.

Of course the Today Show had to parade out a liberal psychologist (Dr. Ablow). Dr. AimLow told a very unconvincing theory about how this program will hurt the self-esteem of the kids who do not take AP classes or happen to be artists. Dr. AimLow, we have programs to reward artists, especially those high achievers who smear elephant dung on the Virgin Mary.

Dr. Aimlow did not seem to care about the improved self-esteem of the considerable number of additional students who not only challenged themselves to take the AP classes but also passed and earned college credits. His great evidence was the he had great passionate teachers who motivated him without paying him. Focus group of one, doctor. Thanks for the shallow insight. I agree that everyone has one or two teachers who touched them, but let's face it the vast majority of teachers were dull and quite forgettable.

And Doctor, you are not considering the other side of the equation. Teachers are given incentives to get better and more schools are encouraged to offer AP classes. Plus the program provides incentives to kids in the form of food and door prizes to show up to review sessions on a Saturday. I know this hurts the self-esteem of kids who hate prizes and do not eat.

Dr. AimLow you called this program a shortcut to getting back on track in Math and Science. I am not sure if you noticed but America is getting passed up in Math and Science by the rest of the world while the Bush / Kennedy No Kid Gets To Far Ahead Else Little Johnny Might Feel Bad and Start to Wet his Bed Again Plan sputters along in bureaucratic red tape and while child psychologists try to protect the self-esteem of the lowest common denominator at the expense of the self-esteem of the kids who work hard to get ahead.

Dr. AimLow went to Brown and Johns Hopkins but he got schooled today on Today.

The Today Show had another liberal, Robert Scheaffer, who was also against the program. He stated that this kind of motivation generally does not work. (Did you see the data?). And this program will lead to a cynical attitude in student who will not study unless paid. The consequences for not studying are the same with or without the program. Mr Scheaffer, we would not want to teach kids that they get paid for pushing themselves to succeed. That never happens in the real world. Please think before you talk on TV.

You all know that my oldest son has ADHD. (Story here and here) At home, he watches his brother and sister excel academically, socially and athletically. At school, his schoolmates jokingly call him a retard for taking the remedial classes. My son's self-esteem would not be changed in the least if an AP student earned a Benjamin or three.

Conservative kids need radical new thinking to compete in this world.

Bill Gates Says Conservative Kids Should Study Math.

Bill Gates testified on capital hill today. He is concerned with the limit of 65,000 visas for highly skilled immigrants. Gates said. “America will find it infinitely more difficult to maintain its technological leadership if it shuts out the very people who are most able to help us compete.”

Federal Law provides 65,000 H1-B visas for scientists, engineers, computer programmers and other professionals every year. Many from India and China. Employers say that it is not enough.

Gates has been unable to fill 3,000 jobs at Microsoft because of this limitation. That is 3,000 high paying tax generating jobs.


But the bigger issue that Gates brought up is the current state of American Schools. A federal study showed that 1/3 of the kids fail to take a standard-level curriculum, which is defined as including (at least 4 credits of English and 3 credits each of social studies, math and science). On a national science test, about 50% of 12th-graders failed to show basic skills.

Gates also called on lawmakers to give more resources to improving the teaching of math and science.

Sen. Edward Kennedy D-Mass., chairman of the Committee on Health (that's laughable isn't), Education, Labor and Pensions, said the issue would be addressed when Congress takes up BROAD immigration reform legislation this session.

When pressed to specify his comments - Sen Kennedy raised his gin and tonic and vowed to eliminate the visa caps for all broads. Saying, "You can never have enough good looking broads!" When his aide told him that Gates wants highly skilled programmers, Kennedy said, "We all have our fetishes" as he burped and reached for a bag of pork rinds.

Conservative Kids would be well served to study math and science. And not take health advice from a slurring fat cat.

Hillary Let's Chat About Deceit

Hillary let's talk, let's chat, let's start a dialogue about deceit.

de·ceit /dɪˈsit/ Pronunciation Key -[di-seet] –noun
1. the act or practice of deceiving; concealment or distortion of the truth for the purpose of misleading; duplicity; fraud; cheating: Once she exposed their deceit, no one ever trusted them again.
2. an act or device intended to deceive; trick; stratagem.
3. the quality of being deceitful; duplicity; falseness: a man full of deceit.

*From Dictionary.com

Do you remember Bill Clinton's ever changing hair color?

THE INCREDIBLE LADY CLAIROL COLOR CONTEST

By Craig M. Brown

What do you call a man who changes his hair color almost every day?
(A) Vainglorious
(B) Dennis Rodman
(C) Indecisive
(D) Mr. President

While all of these answers are correct, if you picked D, you qualify to enter phase two of our contest.

If you have been at all attentive over the past six years, you will have noticed that practically every time President Clinton appears in public, his hair is a different color. The colors range from brown, to salt and pepper to gray to white. Also, each time the President appears in public, he either is about to do or has just done something. Realizing this, the renowned sociologist, Corky Sashoon, is in the process of completing a study based upon his theory that the President's activity for any given day can be determined by observing the hair color the President has chosen.

Using this theory, we now ask you to match the presidential hair color with the activity he is about to or has just engaged in.

The choices are: brown, gray, salt & pepper, white, and black (with bangs).

Now for our question:
"If the President's hair color is _____, he is about to or has just ____."

And, the activities are:

Make a speech at the UN
Make a speech at a high school
Veto a military spending bill
Dodge the draft
Order an air strike on someone or something
Sleep with an intern
Lie to a Grand Jury
Sign an executive order
Accept money from a Chinese "partner"
Lie to cute and perky Katie Curic on national TV
Play Sax on MTV*
Make a speech to the AARP*

* I added these last two.

Seems that Hillary Clinton is taking cues from Bill's strategy book. And the cornerstone of the strategy is Chameleon Deceit. Listen to the accent as she speaks to a African American Church Supporters. It is not long before she lies under oath.



If we are going to have an actor in the White House - let's at least get a good one. Elect Fred Daulton Thompson.

No Porn Star Left Behind

Tennessee High School students film a risque video between classes. The conservative right is appalled this happened in the Bible Belt. Ted Kennedy wants to get these kids more funding, better video equipment and for God's sake better lighting.

Tiki and the Articulation of Jim Crow Laws

In my January 12th post, I stated that Tiki Barber was a role model for conservative kids. I also reported wrongly that Tiki had inked a deal with ESPN / Good Morning America. Seems he just signed a deal with the TODAY show and NBC Football.

Anyway, I was reading my earlier post and I noticed that I called Tiki articulate. At the time of the post, I did not know that it was an insult to call an articulate black person articulate. So, Tiki, please accept my apologies.

Apparently, the issue with using the term articulate when referring to an African American person is that this term, by rule*, can only be used in comparison to other blacks and not to the general population. I guess I missed that chapter in the writer's guide, Strunk and White's Elements of Style.

So when someone like Bush or Biden says that Obama is articulate they are not saying he is articulate compared to other presidential candidates, but by rule, that he is articulate compared to most blacks that they happened to see or hear from their ivory towers. (By the way, Biden is an idiot and Bush is not the most articulate president we have ever had.)

At the risk of being called a racist, I am going to again call Tiki Barber articulate.

At the risk of breaking the only Jim Crow law still on the books, I am going to state for the record, that Tiki is articulate in comparison to all people because in general very few people are articulate. In fact I am going to state that Tiki is a stronger communicator than the white, anti-American and immature Katie Couric. An anchorwomen who is only comfortable interviewing Grover or Elmo.

But to appease the blacks who think that the term articulate can only be used in comparison to others in the same race and not broadly. I am going to state that Tiki is articulate compared to Michael Irvin. Micheal Irvin brings a lot of nothing to a football broadcast. He just spews incoherent, incomprehensible, baffling, undecipherable, unintelligible noise. And I can say that the ex-gun toting drug addict is no role model for conservative kids.

Tiki, I hope that your articulate (damn I said it again, sorry) conservative style will keep left leaning Lauer (nice job Albany Media Bias Blog) honest. I will switch from Fox and Friends to the TODAY show if you do.

The Tiki Barber Fathead poster hanging on my son's wall is a constant reminder of a positive role model for my kid. I hope he grows up to be as articulate, positive and successful as Tiki.

* Rule developed by some hypersensitive black people artciulated beautifully here.

Pelosi Wants An Umpa Lumpa Right Now

I can't believe that the person 3rd in line for the Presidency is whining and crying like a spoiled brat. Nancy, please try to set a better example for America's kids.

Nancy Pelosi, the Speaker of the House from the same party that gave us the multi-mansion owning, private jet flying, global warming alarmist, Al Gore, wants an Air Force Plane to fly around in. And not the little plane that former Speaker Dennis Hassert had, she wants a big one. And if she does not get her way, he is going call Mr. Bush a big fat sexist.

After 9/11, a person of this stature needs the protection of a private plane, but she does not need a jumbo jet.

Nancy, I guess you did not learn the lesson that Willie Wonka was trying to make. Bad kids get kicked off the chocolate factory tour for misbehaving. Good pure conservative kids get the prize. I always remind my conservative kids that good things happen to good kids.

Conservative Kids Groundhog Day

Another great Groundhog Day has come and gone.

Like all good conservative families, on Groundhog Eve we fasted from sun up to sun down. Then we had our traditional Groundhog Eve dinner with the family. The kids were undoubtedly excited and could not sleep, so we stayed up and watched Bill Murray in the movie Groundhog Day. I can watch that movie everyday. Can't you.

On Groundhog Day morning, the kids got up around 5:30a and ran into our room to wake us up. My wife reminded them that Puxsutawney Phil can not predict anything until the sun comes up on Gobbler's Knob. But we got up with them because we remember how excited we were on Groundhog Day when we were a kids.

Following family tradition, we turned the lights on and did shadow puppets. I did a few of the classics, Lincoln, Reagan and Charleston Heston. My two boys started to do a Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky shadow puppet skit, but we did not let that go to far. My six year old daughter did the best one of the day, at first we thought it was a snake, but it turned out to be Hillary giving a concession speech after losing the '08 election to Fred Daulton Thompson.

Then we watched Phil come out of his hole. It was a tense few minutes. Then fortunately Phil did not predicted 6 more years of democratic control. We all breathed a sigh of relief.

Our extended family of conservative grandparents and cousins all gathered later in the day to celebrate and to eat a big Groundhog Day feast.

Hillary: An Embarrassment to Conservative Kids

My Daddy the Dancer

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up -- fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.

However, an ultra conservative kid, Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear.

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?" "No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be our next President, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other conservative kids."

My bother-in-law, a proud police officer who projects his city from drug, thugs and illegal immigrants every day, sent me this email joke. I thought it was funny and it fits my blog theme. Kudos to the writer of the joke.

Pelosi Visits Injured Pigeons in Iraq

Conservative Kids. Please learn from Islamic extremists mistakes. Never bite the hand that feeds you.

This past week, a Sunni bomb hidden in a box of pigeons at an animal market exploded killing all the boxed pigeons and countless other animals. A few people were killed too. Upon hearing about the horrific news, Nancy Pelosi flew over to Baghdad to pay respects to the pigeons.

Then in a surprising turn of events, Pelosi not only made comments in support of Bush's surge plan of 20,000 additional troops, but also called for doubling that number.

The Sunni extremists made a critical mistake pissing off Pelosi's voter base, PETA members.

Although some Federal officials suspect that PETA actually planted the bomb in the animal market to divert attention from the trial of two PETA members accused of killing animals.

Another lesson for Conservative Kids: Sometimes facts are stranger than fiction.

Young Conservative Kids Should Not Herd Buffalo

Tip of the day from Conservative Dad.

Do not let young kids herd buffalo in remote areas of a jungle unattended. This practice may promote a strong work ethic, but I think that there are better methods.


Half-Animal / Half - Woman found in Cambodian Jungle

Breaking News even The Drudge Report does not have yet.

Hillary is considering this Cambodian woman as her running mate in '08. Howard Dean thinks that a Clinton / P'ngieng ticket can garner votes from feminists, PETA and Asian-Americans. Bill thinks it's a great idea and even volunteered to domesticate this woman.

Scary Curriculums Home and Abroad.

The indoctrination of hate starts early in the Islamic World. This boy bloodies himself for Imam Hussein, grandson of Muhammad. There are other very disturbing pictures of jihad kids (some graphic) on the link.

Here's a situation that plays out everyday in a typical al Qaeda home.

Hassan come here.
Yes mom
What is this?
What is what?
This report card?
What, I am trying my best.
You got a C in Bush bashing. What is wrong with you?
I could not understand that woman's accent.
Your dad did not kill himself so you can just fool around.
I know, he killed himself for 72 virgins.
Go to your room!
No women, you go to your room!
(As she goes to her room) You are so not ready for this world, Hassan.

Islamic Elementary - REPORT CARD

C --- Jew Hating (Abdul-Alim Aziz)
C --- Christian Hating (Abdul-Azim Muhammed)
B --- Terrorism (Akram Hussein)
D --- Martyrdom (Baha Bishr)
B --- Arabic (Hajjaj Hakeem)
B --- Beginning Quran (Abdul- Hani Ali)
A --- Concubine 101 (via satelite Bill Clinton)
C --- Bush Bashing (via satelite Nancy Pelosi)
C --- Bomb Targeting (via Google Earth)

Islam is teaching hate from cradle to grave.

Meanwhile in the USA

Johnny come here.
Yes mom
What is this?
What is what?
This report card?
What, I am trying my best.
I am so proud of you. Your dad would be so proud of you too if he did not kill himself working night and day to send you to college.
I think about him often.
You are so prepared for the world. Let me be the first to call you graduate.
Ahh mom

University of WhattheF - REPORT CARD

A --- Non-violent Responses to Terrorism (George Lackey - Swathmore College)
A --- Phallologocentrism (Jeffery Tobin - Occidental U)
A --- Queer Musicology (Mitchell Morris - UCLA)
B --- Mail Order Brides (Fanella Canell - Johns Hopkins U)
A --- Marx - Should we give him another chance? (Pavel Machala - Amherst U)
A --- Phys Ed - Dodgeball without balls (Marcel Marceau - Univ of San Francisco)

Parents of conservative kids do not pay for the credits to any of these courses.

Update: 1/25/07
Now you can add Abortion 101 taught at Yale as reported on Michelle Malkin blog.

It Takes a Village Idiot to Raise a Kid.

In Spain, a 67 year old women has twin boys. Is this a miracle of God? No, it's a product of IVF medical science and stupidity.

Hey Hillary, here's a case where I actually agree that it will take a village to raise a kid because of the selfishness of the village idiot and an egomaniac American doctor.

Chances are high these kids will not be conservatives.

Want Conservative minded Kids? Then Scare Them to Death

Seems fear of death is the most powerful driver of conservative thought.

This post was inspired by Psychology Today's most emailed and popular article, The Ideological Animal. Some of the conclusions in the piece are laughable. Let's explore.

It starts by introducing Cinnamon Stillwell, a women who did a 180 from left to right after 9/11. Cinnamon, a former liberal, is now a conservative columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle. The liberals felt a need to study this because she must certainly have a mental disorder. One of course that can be fixed with a mood altering prescription subsidized by President Hillary Clinton's Health Care Bill.

She changed because she realized that liberals had more sympathy for terrorists than the victims. And becasue liberals were consumed with hatred toward our country. She turned to conservative talk radio to hear thoughts more aligned to her enlightened thinking on the war on terror. She soon realized that after opening her mind to conservative thought that "smaller government, traditional societal structures, respect and reverence for life, the importance of family, personal responsibility, national unity over identity politics." and even "the idea of self-preservation in perilous times. (gun rights)" made sense.

The article tries to explain this change.

We tend to believe our political views have evolved by a process of rational thought, as we consider arguments, weigh evidence, and draw conclusions. But the truth is more complicated. Our political preferences are equally the result of factors we're not aware of—such as how educated we are, how scary the world seems at a given moment, and personality traits that are first apparent in early childhood. Among the most potent motivators, it turns out, is fear.... The fear of death alone is surprisingly effective in shaping our political decisions—more powerful, often, than thought itself.

Seems that rational thought prompted Cinnamon to change after weighing the evidence. She did not get any more educated and 9/11 did not impact her early childhood. The article goes on to blame fear of death. How about vengeance? How about righting a wrong? How about good versus evil? How about patriotism? How about the fear of an economic calamity destroying savings or our beautiful way of life? No fear of death explains it all. At least they didn't blame breast feeding or lack there of again.

I can see the republican strategists now scheming ways to speed up the avian flu pandemic and granting amnesty to all illegal Islamic extremists.

Do you suppose that Micheal Jackson's son will be a conservative?
Other excerpts from the article that was a complete waste of time. (I thought I was going to read something useful in my exploration of how to raise conservative kids)

In 1969, Berkeley professors Jack and Jeanne Block embarked on a study of childhood personality, asking nursery school teachers to rate children's temperaments. (Anybody see any flaws here. Liberal researchers from ultra liberal Berkeley, asking liberal teachers to rate temperament of 3 year olds)

Twenty years later, they decided to compare the subjects' childhood personalities with their political preferences as adults. (To draw asinine bias conclusions. What a waste of 20 years)

Studies show that people who study abroad become more liberal than those who stay home. (The study should have concluded that people who seem to hate America tend to travel abroad more than people who love America)

Professors at major universities are more liberal than their counterparts at less acclaimed institutions. (I guess it couldn't be discrimination in hiring at the major universities. Don't worry fellow bloggers I already call the ACLU to take on the case.)

Gray type lifted from:
Publication: Psychology Today Magazine
Publication Date: Jan/Feb 2007

Conservative Kids Beware the Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

Don't be fooled by the liberal media who is portraying Nancy as this sweet stay-at-home mom. She is and has always been a threat to the tradition family.

Was Aesop writing about Nancy here?

The Wolf in Sheep's Clothing.

A Wolf found great difficulty in getting at the sheep owing to the vigilance of the shepherd and his dogs. But one day it found the skin of a sheep that had been flayed and thrown aside, so it put it on over its own pelt and strolled down among the sheep. The Lamb that belonged to the sheep, whose skin the Wolf was wearing, began to follow the Wolf in the Sheep's clothing; so, leading the Lamb a little apart, he soon made a meal off her, and for some time he succeeded in deceiving the sheep, and enjoying hearty meals.

Appearances are deceptive.

Hey Aesop, after looking at this photo maybe looks really aren't that deceiving afterall.

The Ass in the Lion's Skin

An Ass once found a Lion's skin which the hunters had left out in the sun to dry. He put it on and went towards his native village. All fled at his approach, both men and animals, and he was a proud Ass that day. In his delight he lifted up his voice and brayed, but then every one knew him, and his owner came up and gave him a sound cudgelling for the fright he had caused. And shortly afterwards a Fox came up to him and said: "Ah, I knew you by your voice."

Fine clothes may disguise, but silly words will disclose a fool.

This fable of Aesop's also describes Nancy Pelosi. But how can that be? Well, Nancy, like many in Washington, is a chameleon who will wear whatever clothes are expedient at the time to usurp power and money. She is a liberal ass, a lion, a wolf, a sheep, a mom, a Catholic, a supporter of partial birth abortions, a chocaholic, a grandmother and Italian American. Whatever whenever. Reminds me of Bill Clinton. He was a liberal, a centrist, a family man, a churchgoer, a philaderer, a father, a white, the first black president, a gray haired AARP member, a dark haired Sax playing MTVer, and a liar.

Great role models for our children, they are not.

Read Aesops fables to your conservative kids.

The Naked Truth About Liberal Education

Birthday-suit parties all the rage for Ivy League students

by CRAIG HOWIE

STUDENTS at America's prestigious Ivy League universities are rebelling against their colleges' stuffy reputations, casting off society's norms along with their clothes to hold naked parties....

.......Of party etiquette, Mollie Farber, a senior student at Yale, said: "You're allowed to give everyone a quick once-over as you say, 'Hey, what's up?', but after that, you've got to maintain pretty good eye contact.

Full Story posted on The Drudge Report

This makes you wonder about the quality of the liberal education Mollie received throughout her life. Think about it. She gives a naked guy a quick once-over and doesn't know what's up.

What did she think those condoms her liberal schools handed out for free since she was in grade school were for anyway?

The Accuracy in Academia the research group who is trying to bring sanity and conseverative values to our college campuses have their work cut out for them.

Teaching Conservative Kids The Difference Between Right and Left

I had a curious conversation with my 6 year old daughter.

Dad, why do you think that Democrats are pro-abortion but against the death penalty, while Republicans are pro-life but for the death penalty?

And dad,

Why do you think that Democrats are for helping the poor and disadvantaged but against a war that liberates such people; while Republicans, conversely, are for self-sufficiency in people but for a war that will help people who have demonstrated little ambition, courage or wherewithal to help themselves?

and Dad,

Why do you think that Democrats are for a perverted definition of the separation of church and state and want desperately to rid this country of God, but ultra protective of all the things that God has given us, while Republicans are for keeping our moral compass pointing reverently toward a higher power, while exploiting all the gifts that God has given us?

Honey, honey slow down, I said.

It all has to do with power and money. Republicans are for X, so Democrats must hate X (with a fervent venomous passion). Democrats are pro-y, so Republicans must be anti-Y. It doesn't matter what X or Y is.

OK Dad, than something doesn't make sense. You said awhile back that Republicans are pro-big business, so by your theory Democrats must be anti-big business.

Generally that is true, Honey.

OK then, why do you think that the media, who is owned by big big business (Time Warner, Disney, Viacom), has such a liberal bent? You'd think that they would have a fiduciary responsibility to their stockholders to be right leaning toward policy makers that would pass laws that would benefit them.

(Silence)

So dad, you'd agree that this puts a slight hole in your power and money theory. Especially when all the data shows that conservative news is growing (Rush, Hannity, Fox, Savage) and liberal news is dying (NYT, ABC, CNN, NBC, CBS). So what was CBS thinking when they replaced Dan Rather with the ever so perky, but liberal Katie Couric?

Honey is our lesson over?

The Liberal Media is Not a New Phenomenon. Right Hansel?

Conservative parents should be careful about what they read to their children.

Outside of San Francisco, long before Nancy Pelosi and her liberal friends could create a safety net for those who lack self-sufficiency skills, a poor woodcutter lived with his wife and his two children, Hansel and Gretel. You know the story, hard times hit the forest and the woodcutter could no longer provide for his second wife and kids. (The fractured family has long been a staple in liberal stories).

The woodcutter's (pro-abortion) second wife had the answer to their problems and together they schemed to take the children out into the forest and leave them.

The woodcutter hesitated knowing that the kids would likely starve or be torn apart by wild animals, but he eventually consented to the femi-nazi second wife. (Are you thinking what I am thinking, wild animals, BBQ. Were they vegetarians or PETA members?)

The two children heard their step-mother’s plans. (Where was the ACLU to protect the parents from this legal wiretapping). When the old folks were asleep, Hansel crept outside and stuffed his pockets with white pebbles. (Self reliance a small redeeming factor to the story)

The parents followed through on the plan, but Hansel foiled the plan by dropping the white pebbles to mark the way back home. The resourceful children returned home unscathed.

This did not sit well with the wife and she again convinced the husband that banishing the kids to the forest was the only alternative. (Adoption is never an alternative for these liberals.) That night they devised a plan to take the kids even deeper into the forest the next day.

The children again heard the conversation and Hansel planned to once again get pebbles to mark the path. Unfortunately, on that very night the step-mother locked them in their room. Hansel instead planned to crumbled his meager piece of bread and use the crumbs to mark the path. This plan backfired when the birds, that the woodcutter would not hunt, ate the breadcrumbs.

The kids became hopelessly lost. Luckily, they happened upon a house made of gingerbread and windows made of clear sugar. The kids broke pieces of bread and sugar off the house. (This is the part of the story where we teach our kids that it is ok to steal and vandalize).

Then the kids heard a soft voice cried from inside the house, “Who's eating at my house?" The children answered: "The wind, the wind" (While we are at it, let’s teach our kids to lie. I guess the apple didn't fall far from the woodcutter’s tree.)

The soft voice belonged to a half blind old women who pretended (more lying) to be kind and invited them into the house. (I concede that this teaches kids not to take candy from strangers, but there are better ways to do that.) Once the kids fell into the trap, the old women imprisoned the boy and made a slave out of the girl. FOr weeks, the wicked witch made Gretel fetch food and cook meals to fatten up her brother.

Each day, the blind witch tried to determine Hansel’s weight by checking how fat his fingers were. (Go to JefferyDahmerRecipes.com) For weeks Hansel fooled the blind witch by offering her a skinny chicken bone instead of his finger. She eventually became impatient and decided it was time for the feast whether Hensel was plump or not. (A nice lesson on quitting before you reach your goal).

She then asked Gretel to light the oven. Gretel pretended to have trouble. (More lying.) The witch grew frustrated and pushed Gretel to the side to show her how to light it. Gretel then pushed the old witch into the oven where she met her demise in a horribly cruel death. (Let’s add murder to the list of offenses. OK this murder was justifiable but do we really need to read this to a 6 year old, even if it is a good introduction to the death penalty)

Gretel, released Hansel and after much rejoicing they went into the witch's house, where they found chests full of jewels. These little criminals, of course, filled their pockets with jewels. (A nice subtle lesson on redistributing wealth from the rich to the poor).

The kids eventually found their way home where their happy father greeted them. Instead of getting good ol’ dad indicted for child endangerment and attempted murder, they lavished him with jewels. (Hey why not give him a book deal and a TV show called If I really did try to abandon my kids)

While the kids were out in the forest surviving, dad gets a lawyer and divorces the step-mother. (Hey why not end the story with a reminder that divorce is a great solution to problems.) Let’s hope this woodcutter goes to eharmony.com to find his third wife.